The Family that Moves Together...

Should I stay or should I go now?

Yes, we did it, we opted for the second time in a year - and coughed up the money on our own - to move the entirety of our belongings from our Italian townhouse to the U.S. military base here in Naples.
*No, it had nothing to do with coronavirus, although that has been an interesting CNN soundtrack as we tear through boxes. *

This isn't a decision we broadcasted because, outside of asking a couple of opinions from family familiar with our day-to-day, we really didn't want the commentary.
Oddly, we labored a long time over this decision -- and I say 'oddly' because Andrew and I tend to go with our gut, and quickly, on most things.  Over this one we wrote out pros and cons as a family, looked carefully at the timing, and then 'put a pin in it'.  Even once January rolled around, which is when we decided we'd move forward if it's what we wanted, we didn't do so with a gusto or a flourish: we just started poking around, asking questions, putting things on the calendar ... and then they all came true.

This definitely feels like a season during which our decisions need to be more intentional.  We are planning five years out from my Navy retirement.  We are looking at the years during which and location of where the kids might go to high school, and where they will eventually claim they are "from".  We are trying to give Andrew's career a chance to really be something that reflects his capabilities.  But there's a disadvantage to long, deliberate decision-making, and that is the time allotted for doubt.  I'm not comfortable with it, but I suspect there is something to be said for treading water in the uncertainty for a little while.

What it really came down to is, "Things are fine."  But there was no room in our week-to-week for them to be great.

Wiggle Room

Yes, yes, I know, we travel like crazy, and Europe is this amazing opportunity, and the ages of the kids, and the fact my job no longer matters, and our finances being right-side-up all combine to make a slam dunk recipe for adventure!!
... But keep in mind we still have to live here and do life.  Living where we were living was 'adulting' on crack.  Our commute could be anywhere from 28 to 75 minutes, depending on what color the sky was that day.  The boys were commuting too.  Trying to get them together with friends required careful coordination, and going to play outside wasn't much of an option.  One flick at this house of cards and the whole thing came crashing down: case in point, car trouble.  Bottom line, we plan to spend 2 more years here, but without some wiggle room, no one can thrive.

We could have made it work.  We can make anything work.  We do ok just the 4 of us when we have to.  If we had a parent at home, maybe we would have been more invested in learning Italian and getting to know the neighbors.  Maybe we should have exhausted our pleas for the community manager to unlock the soccer field.  But when I start this list of "maybe we should have"'s, I'm exhausted all over again: Screw 'making it work': what is the best we can really do for our family?

Breathing

Even in boxes, we began to exhale as soon as we got on to base.  The kids have been constantly outside since we arrived, coming in with cold, flushed cheeks asking for a snack and a new check-in time before they head back out again.  They have free run of the 1950s-level safety, sprawling lawns, dozen playgrounds, soccer fields, basketball courts and skate park.  They're even allowed to go to the Navy Exchange with their allowance and a buddy.

Four neighbors came by within the first 48 hrs to introduce themselves and bring goodies!  We connected with friends we'd made when we arrived in the country and haven't seen much since.  For 11 months we'd been bummed that none of those relationships stuck -- turns out we had just made ourselves really hard to reach!

We can bike pretty much everywhere, I can run before the sun comes up if I need to, and there's an option to take a bus to work with other service members.

The answer to sports and after-school activities is a resounding, "Yes!", which we want for our 11- and 9-year-olds, especially now that it doesn't require an hour-and-a-half round trip drive if they want to stay late.  People guess, "so you moved for your kids?"  Sure.  Sure we did.  But that's half of our family, and when they are getting what they need, we are all better off.

Bonus round: Our new place came with an old, squeaky American washer and dryer which I am completely in love with.  The sheer capacity!  And drying efficiency!!  As Andrew put so perfectly today: "We're probably the happiest people in base housing." 


No regrets

Is it efficient to move twice in a year?  Obviously not.  And I curse the chore every time it comes around.  But, we had to admit to ourselves last week, we are getting really good at it.  We were completely out of boxes in 72 hours this time and will hang photos next weekend.

I wouldn't trade for anything the experience of living in Quarto.
- First and foremost, my FOMO couldn't handle going straight to base housing and wondering about the option of living out with the Italians.
- We are very comfortable when it is time to go out to the grocery, or to dinner (if we feel like eating at 9 p.m.), or take a chance on public transportation.
- We can get through most exchanges in Italian because we had to learn quickly out of necessity.
- We know what things are supposed to cost in the neighborhood so we can easily sniff a rip-off from the businesses near the Navy base.
... the list goes on.  I can't suggest that every family new to the area try both, because that's crazy, but this happens to be our story and it is written in ink with fewer and fewer backward glances.

I don't feel that we need to justify to the social media universe why we make the decisions we do.  Some of you are sweet enough to care about our movements, and that makes my heart smile. 
More outwardly, maybe our willingness to grit our teeth and choose to watch our stuff fill up another moving truck can make another family ask the questions,
"Have we created enough wiggle room?"
"Are we allowing ourselves to thrive, or just 'making it work'?"